amanda - On Vox: fuck fuck fuck

i came home today fucking exhausted. wiped out. i had to deal with kids and "camp olympics" and heat and rain and life today, so i took a nap. i woke up to my sister messing around with me an hour later because she thought it would be nice to wake me up because she was looking for double-sided tape. now, generally the last thing i want to have happen to me when i have just been woken up is to be poked, prodded and joked with - but she seemed to think so. 

when i told her that i really wasn't in the mood she got really pissed and instantly turned into an ice queen - very supportive. then, she proceeded to unplug my computer and plug in her curlers (i had a sneaking suspicion she would do this, i hate knowing people so well) and say that she "didn't see my computer was plugged in," which is total bullshit. i fucking hate it when people blatantly lie to my face. it's so rude and disrespectful.

and now i'm sitting upstairs and my dad, who has been a royal asshole lately, needs me to be his fucking IT tech and fix his computer even though i'm obviously doing something and helped him for an hour and a half last night. 

oh yeah, and after i told my sister that i would just go work upstairs and plug in my computer she called my mom crying. cause it's my fault. cause i'm horrible.

fucking christ. 

why do i feel like such a bad person when i'm here?

why do i feel stretched so damn thin?

why do i feel like even when i do the most i can, it's not enough?

i hate myself more than ever when i'm here, and i'm so damn unhappy right now.