Friends

i puked so hard that my throat bled and a broccoli floret literally came out of my nose.

and now, i am 21.

I'm sure many of you have seen this, but for those who haven't enjoy!

“I’m cruising down the street in a macho femme kind of a way feeling hot because I just fucked my girl until she was a messy heap on the floor. Cruising along, cock of the walk, no one better fuck with me. And this guy in the street catches my eye and gives me a wink- like it’s all for him! Jesus! Can’t he tell I’m a faggot?”


(1:28)


That first sentence is how I want to identify all the time. That's the type of femme I am and that's the feeling I like having. That's the attitude, that's the feeling I want to exude.

But sometimes I'm a mess and sometimes I don't shower for three days and sometimes I only look at the sidewalk and everyone else's feet when I'm in public because I'm ashamed to be out of the house. Someday, I'll be who I want to be.

During the trailer/promo for the first season of 'Secret Diary of a Call Girl', an electronic/dance song is played for about 20-30 seconds. Does anyone know what this song is? I searched all over, and seen at least 5 people ask, but there is never an answer.
Here is the promo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wj4E3j8d8PI
TIA for any help : )!! I really love this song.

I'm trying to train myself to not use these words in a negative sense:
dumb, lame, suck, blow, dick, and other sexual words. Because maybe the reason I've always been scared of a dick/men is because I learned it from the way people talked about dicks/sex/blowjobs. Hm.

But I'm going to continue to say "fuck" with a negative connotation because I don't think I can remove that from my vocab.

OH MY GOD, NEW YORK/ERICA ON MONDAY? Weird.

Buying books for next semester tomorrow.

TODAY I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER. AWESOME.

Dad's watching some old British comedy with House in it. It's pretty good.

So I've been with Keri for almost a year now and I love her with all of my heart. She is the best person I have ever met, and even though I've made mistakes she has stood by me and she knows I will always stand by her. When she first told me she was diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder when she was 18 I wasn't really surprised. She told me that because of her family and the way her life is that she would never transition, but then one day she sidelined me telling me she was really serious about transitioning. I was really upset at first, scared she would change when she started taking testosterone but I'm at a point where I am very supportive and I've let go of the selfish part of me that wanted her to stay how she is. I want her to be happy because I don't want to marry her and then when she's 55 being miserable because she never lived life how she wanted and then for things to become bad between us. I want her to live her life to its full potential, and I want to be there with her through it all.

Today she got her prescription for testosterone!!! We're both so excited. She gets her first injection on Tuesday, and I'm going with her. But even though I am feel that inside she is a male, there is still one problem. I feel like I will never be able to use male pronouns when I talk about her just because I've known her as a girl. She says she honestly doesn't care and that she wants to just be seen as how she feels on the inside, but I know that it would be hard for her to hear me calling her a girl all the time when really she is not.

So my questions to any transguys, or girlfriends of transguys or even ex girlfriends who dated their significant other before they transitioned are: Did you find it hard to start to use male pronouns? Did you find it easier once you started to see the changes for yourself? If your significant other was close with your parents before the transition, how did you explain to your parents? What are some things I can do or say to help make this easier for Keri, considering her family isn't very open to the idea of Keri transitioning?

Just for fun here are some pictures!

( me and keri! )

So I had the most wonderful night last night!
I came out to my bestie in the whole wide Washington state as trans, and he was wonderfully accepting... thus far the most accepting person I've come out to in my family/friends.

also, I shaved the sides of my head... I'm not sure how much I like it myself

Maybe I'll like it more when It grows out?

Just checking in, my finals week is almost over and I need a break! I'm newly single, and I'm so bored. Its like I have no idea what to do with myself anymore. Blah. So my question is- What are your holiday plans? ( So it's not only text! )

I'm trying to place a BBC drama (I think - one of those 6-part, 1-hr 9pm serials, probably early 90s) which was set in a seaside town, and which ended with the hero (either a private eye or unofficially trying to solve a crime of some sort?) being dragged to the end of the pier, and forced to drink massive amounts of spirits by the villain. I seem to remember the bad guys ran the fairground, and it was all quite eerie and dark and seedy.  Any ideas?

FOUND - 'Resort to Murder'.  Many thanks, rockthecj !

From what I understand now, the core idea of moral relativism is the concept that morals are relative to one's culture. Therefor, if your culture says killing is wrong, then killing is wrong. If your culture says killing is sometimes ok, then killing is sometimes ok. The culture is the defining factor.

But in reading about it, I've come to realize I don't really agree with it. I don't think mass murder is permissible, even if your culture allows it. I think there are overreaching standards of morality. At least, I have an overreaching sense of morality, based on how I picture the ideal human society. I basically think killing is wrong, slavery is wrong, abuse is wrong. Lying is sometimes morally excusable, as is stealing. But I guess that begs the question, under what circumstances should someone be held responsible for their immoral actions? We're all victims of circumstance. I believe "bad people" are just products of environments that made them that way. Strife breeds strife. You can't blame the individual "bad person" for the fact that suffering exists in the world, and the fact that it tends to fuck people up.
For comparison I look at the animal kingdom. Fluffy fairies like Helen like to picture the circle of life as a big smiley face. I used to do this, too. I deluded myself into thinking that animals are always happy, innocent, pure spirits existing in a state of pre-suffering.
I've changed my mind now! When you keep a parrot in a cage and it is unhappy, it will rip out its own feathers. How is this any different from my sister cutting herself? Animals go neurotic in response to stress, and enact destructive behavior. So do humans. It isn't satan, mass conspiracy, or the patriarchy. Some measure of suffering will always exist in life, because we will always have death and competition. There will always be the risk that people will go neurotic and start exhibiting negative behaviors. It's not their fault, but the moral response is to step in. Stop the destructive behavior, for the good of the victims and the perpetrator. People aren't happy when they're anti-social.

So there is a lot of grey area in my morality, because I'm always trying to think really objectively about where the "blame" should fall. Normally I simply place blame on the action itself, but not the person. It's easier to target a "bad action" than a "bad person," because really, who am I to judge someone else's character? Someone may be honest or dishonest, but they may have good reasons either way. I can still choose not to associate with people I judge as threats, though. But even though someone may give me threatening vibes, it doesn't mean everyone should feel that way. Different people have different personality styles. Different people may feel at ease with someone who feels threatening to me, and rightfully so.

So, what are my morals, really? Don't kill, don't enslave, don't emotionally abuse, don't maim. These are all violations of boundaries. Don't violate someone's body, don't violate their mind. I suppose I would add "don't push your beliefs on others in lieu of letting them think for themselves," because psychologically bullying someone into accepting your beliefs is also a form of violation towards their mind.
So therefor, on moral ground, I disagree with circumcision of infants, male and female. I suppose this technically means I disagree with the death penalty, also! Because there's always a margin of human error, and who the fuck are we to decide who lives and dies? Are we fucking god, now?
A gray area is children. The relationship between parent and child is a sensitive thing, full of power imbalance. Just how much rights do children have? I felt like my childhood was pretty fucked up, can't we make that illegal somehow? My parents are some of the least moral people I've ever known. It's pretty fucked up that children are still just sort of at the mercy of random human beings who happen to get each other pregnant somehow. You need to pass a test to get a driver's license, but to own a human being all you have to do is get knocked up. How many people have children who don't know the first fucking thing about parenting?
And these are the people raising us. We, as a collective society, are in the hands of crazy people until we're 18 years old. Can't we do something about that?
I think we need to do something differently, there. Parenting has the potential to go very, very wrong. Child rearing is still largely done behind closed doors, and children are complete victims to the beliefs, habits, and desires of their parents. Should we take all children and raise them in big government-funded communes, full of regulations and scientifically-backed activities? They'd still need to bond with adults, which hopefully they would be able to. But everything could be so much closer to the "natural way" humans are supposed to live. Children don't belong shut up in bedrooms or in front of the TV, they need to be enveloped in a healthy social network where they can learn the skills they need to support themselves.

Time for class! I wish I could have used this as an essay for philosophy, but I probably would have gotten a B- for failing to stick to the textbook. Psh.

I'll apologize in advance that I don't have a lot of information on this one. Anyway, my roommate and I were talking last night about our favorite books from when we were kids, and she couldn't remember the name of a series she really liked. She said it was about a group of girls who I think she said go to this old lady's house and when they put on her dress-up clothes, they go back in time to the clothes' eras. It would probably be late 80s to mid 90s based on her age. Any ideas?

Found: It's the Magic Attic Club. :)

I find myself in a constant state of sex and gender flux, but the constant seems to be more "gay" leaning. I went through a trans period, where I shaved my head and took a man's name, but during that period, my partner was male. My hair has since grown back, and I've taken on a very, very femme identity for the first time in my life (Skirts! Heels! My God!), and this newfound femininity has me leaning towards finding a female partner. I tend to date the gender I'm "impersonating."

Anyone else do this?

Can you tell me anything about any of these images? ANYTHING is helpful. Thanks!

( image-heavy )

When and how did you become involved in zineing and what form did that involvement initially take?
If you make zines, what was the first zine you made and what was it about?
What did it look like?
Do you frequently read zines by other people and if so, what are your favorite zines?
Is there anything in particular about the aesthetic of the zine that you like or that draws you to zines?
How do you usually get zines?
Do you use the internet as a tool to get, trade, or distro your zine?
Which, if any, distros do you like/use?
Have you participated in any zine fests? If so, which ones, and what was your experience like?
What do you see as the relationship between zines and blogs?
Do you think there is a unified zine culture, and who generally participates in that culture?
Do you perceive people who make zines as belonging to a community? If so, what does that community look or feel like to you?
What do you perceive to be the relationship between yourself and other zinesters? Are there zinesters that you would consider friends? How did that friendship develop?

<3 j.bee

p.s. if anyone wants to read the first draft of my beard paper and suggest edits or further needed research, let me know. i want to engage more with ethnicity and the construction of whiteness, which i didn't fully do because i ran out of time and also didn't have a couple of the books i wanted/needed, and also there is NO engagement with trans identity, which i don't neccesarily need, but i think i personally need. i at least need to explain at some point that i am engaging specifically here with female assigned, woman identified folks with beards, rather than just sort of assuming that it is clear. but also it's really difficult to talk about liminal bodies and identities, because obviously language is invested in the project of categorization, whereas bodies resist categorization...

“Likewise, the homicidal Hatfields and McCoys are deeply encrusted in our pop-cult legendry, while the savagery visited upon Appalachia by coal and timber companies during the same era is mostly unknown. As railroads began slithering up into the Appalachian woods in the late 1800s, capital-rich boys from the East realized the mountains’ largely untapped natural resources were a cash register waiting to be looted. Fraudulent contract bargaining was rampant between well-trained company smoothies and unsuspecting mountaineers, only a quarter of whom knew how to sign their names…The West Virginia Tax Commission prophesied in 1884 that if trends continued, the state would soon ‘pass into the hands of persons who do not live here and care nothing for our State except to pocket the treasures which lie buried in our hills…’ The commission predicted that once absentee entrepreneurs had sucked the region dry of its wood and coal, the local population would become ‘poor, helpless, and destitute.’ Been to West Virginia lately?” (Goad 109-110).

“The industry provides a lifeline to many families in a state that has few opportunities for work, says William B. Raney, president of the West Virginia Coal Association, a professional association that represents companies that produce 85 percent of the state's coal. The coal industry's $300-million in tax payments add up to 13 percent of the state's gross annual product, Mr. Raney says. ‘I have a hard time seeing why those folks would want to take a man's job,’ he says. But mining jobs have been dwindling since the 1950s, when automation came to coal. Mountaintop removal extraction requires fewer workers than underground mining. Fifteen years ago, the industry in West Virginia required 28,000 workers. Now, even during a boom period for coal, a little more than 23,000 West Virginians toil as coal workers (not including related contractors), according to state figures. As Ms. Bonds frequently points out, strong financial years for coal companies in recent years haven't translated to good times for residents. Many of West Virginia's coal counties suffer from poverty rates of 30 percent or more, according to U.S. Census data.” (Anft 24)

“A visitor to coal country might be surprised at the level of support that the big operators still enjoy among residents of the region…Without many other options, West Virginians are receptive when the mining industry says the magic word: "jobs." The irony, however, is that big coal likes MTR precisely because it is not [emphasis original] labor-intensive. A few truck and crane operators can do very quickly what once took years for a phalanx of union miners. In the last 10 years, mine production increased 32 percent but coal employment dropped 29 percent. Governor Manchin changed the border signs from "West Virginia: Wild and Wonderful" to "Open for Business," and coal interests there almost always get what they want. In Appalachia, coal is a deeply powerful industry that has been in control of the region's economic, social and political life for 100 years. In the last two decades its political grip has only weakened slightly. And alternative economic development is still in the fledgling stage” (Motavalli 38).

“In the Appalachian coal towns, mass importations of foreign-born scab workers helped pulverize the local union’s solidarity. Automation finished the job. Just as farm technology had rendered millions of sharecroppers homeless, the mechanization of coal-digging impoverished the Appalachian plateau. In the 1950s alone, the region lost a quarter-million jobs. Unemployment, poverty, and hunger levels are now among the nation’s highest. The forests are gone. Most of the mines are abandoned slagheaps. Air, water, and land are poisoned by leaking sulfur” (Goad 116).

Oh why yes, it is another song post!

Indie rock, male singer, only lyrics I can remember are the words "Mandalay bay" at the end of one of the lines. (Can't remember what comes before it.) Fairly fast-paced. Googling mandalay bay lyrics gets me a bunch of stuff that isn't it.

edit: if it helps the "pattern" of the line I'm thinking of goes kind of like "da da da, da da da, da da da da daa da, da da da, da da da, da da Mandalay Bay" and is all pretty much the same note, or very little variation.

Edit: Never mind, I suddenly remembered it! It's The Captive Mind by Helio Sequence.

There used to be a show about some dude that traveled around the world and bought expensive things for people...anyone remember what it was called? He was their personal shopper for exotic items.
Anyone? I know this doesn't make much sense...but thank you all for trying to help!

Anyone know what song this is originally from?
( Click me! )

Having short hair means that you are constantly in desperate need of a haircut.
Will you comment with either a photo of your hair and/or a hairstyle you adore?
I want something new and refreshing. And birly, of course.
Thank you! :)

( Cuts I am currently loving )