what made me happy - day three

i wrote you that letter - w4w (still here)
Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-12-21, 12:36PM EST

so you could hold love in your hands

* Location: still here
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 965994409

(no subject)

two happy things in one day never hurt, right?

ps: i don't want to impose on making other people do this, even though i think it's pretty adorable, so feel free to take it and run.


(no subject)

right now i'm in an old hoodie, sweatpants, and an oversized white men's tshirt sitting on the couch in my parents' basement taking advantage of cable and tivo.

i think i'm going to engage in some stress baking later to get rid of some pent up feelings around my sister. she's more selfish than i remember. it's typical-me to leave people's sides for extended periods of time and conveniently forget their not-so-great personality traits.

a couple of days ago my dad asked she & i to help him with a couple of things around the house and then he would take us out to lunch and spend the day together. this morning i woke up and she had ditched us to go out with her friend. i got so upset that i cried angry-hot tears because my dad looked so hurt and i was so frustrated with her for a) leaving and for b) hurting him.

anyhow, the day turned out water-logged but good. i'm stuffed full of california pizza kitchen and getting sleepier as i write this, so there might be a nap in my near future.

the lovely jenna b. tagged me to post something that has made me happy every day for eight days.

[ Rules: For 8 days you have to post something that made you happy that day. Tag 8 people to do the same. ]


(no subject)

following that previous post i got in bed and gave up for the night.

my gigantic paper is due tuesday and i don't have a conclusion and i'm petrified to write one because i feel like i'm so involved in the paper that i could never suitably conclude it in any manner that would make sense to the 'reader'. run. on. sentence.

i came home yesterday and it's been a pretty unexpected two days.

my dad picked me up from the airport and we went to starbucks and proceeded to discuss the paper i sent him earlier in the week about my interest in gender therapy and using it as a vehicle for activism and blah blah blah. and in the paper i guess i identified myself as queer, which he also had questions about.

i could not believe i was sitting at a table in fallsgrove explaining to my dad why the dsm is corrupt and defining heteronormativity and having a discussion on queer theory and why gendered bathrooms are problematic. it was like a different reality. a really good one.

this is the first time i can ever remember my dad engaging me in a conversation about something i feel passion about. ever since i was fourteen and he told me that he had three kids from another marriage that i never knew about i separated him from my world and we grew apart in a lot of ways. well, that was also compounded with the fact that he is very catholic and i disagree with a lot of what he stands for. but, he and my mom have been going to marriage counseling that i think has really forced him to think about a lot of stuff differently, including how he interacts with me.

so yeah, wow.

tonight we went out as a family to some christmas carol thing at the kennedy center and it made me feel really happy to be back here together with them. i missed them a whole lot.

i'll leave you with a pretty incredible image.

oh yes.

(no subject)

my body woke up at six am still drunk from the handful of scorpion bowls/citrusades (?!) that i had last night at some random straight bar in the city.

i tried my very hardest to fall back asleep to try to sleep off the intoxication, but that wasn't happening at all. i think i was having a partial panic attack because i realized that instead of staying home last night and being responsible and packing/cleaning i went out and crashed as soon as i got back. so, i dragged myself out of bed at six thirty and showered and generally got ready.

now i'm sitting in my half-empty room with two suitcases sitting in front of me wondering what exactly i forgot (guh, space saver bags!) and listening to old tilly & the wall.

i just called all my friends and demanded they get up and hang out with me (one of them was already up and also anxiety-ridden and watching videos on life sized sex dolls, which i am fascinated with - i love her). so now i've upset several groggy/hungover people way earlier than they probably wanted, but i need to have one last ridiculous breakfast before i head to logan. basically.

yesterday i met with the professor i'm going to be ta-ing for next semester and she's totally lovely. she said i could teach the unit on trans/queer issues, which i'm stoked for, and she has this amazing new zealand accent that i'm kind of in love with.

i've been burning cds nonstop for the past twenty four hours for a friend who will be spending about that long in the car on the drive back home. moral of the story, i pretty much love my taste in music. also, i'm super confused when people don't actively listen to/enjoy music as much as i do. i mean, i have twentyish gigs of music on my computer and really can't fathom having any less. (crap! external harddrive!).

my dad is picking me up from the airport and is being too cute about the whole thing. i think, at sixty-five, he might be finally trying to understand who i am and what i am passionate about, even if it's things he doesn't necessarily understand. i sent him this paper i wrote on gender therapy as a vehicle for activism and he read all twenty pages and sent me back a note that said that he was impressed and wanted to talk more about it. i think he's scared of words like 'feminist' and 'queer' and 'trans' because he doesn't know any better, but i've been actively trying to find and make copies of simpler pieces that can explain it to him in a way that he understands that more people than my friends & i are working towards this common goal.

friends: let's hang out, yes?

(no subject)

one: i cannot stop listening to katy perry's hot + cold. i have a problem.

two: tomorrow night is my last night in boston before home.

three: dating sucks. a lot. i don't think it's for me.

four: three times in the past two days people have called me confident. like, they perceive me as being a confident person. overall, i find this so ridiculous i laugh just thinking about it because anyone who i actually let inside knows that i am the least confident person ever. my insecurities list is lengthy. maybe writing this has blown my cover?

five: i. love. crashpad.

six: i am thankful for weather appropriate footwear.

seven: more tattoos are on my horizon.